11 steps to stop thinking about someone, from relationship experts (2023)



peer reviewed



Updated September 23, 2022

mbg editor of Spirituality and Relationships

by Sarah Regan

mbg editor of Spirituality and Relationships

Sarah Regan is the Spirituality & Relationships Editor and Registered Yoga Teacher. He received his bachelor's degree in Broadcasting and Mass Communications from SUNY Oswego and resides in Buffalo, New York.

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expert review of

Kristie Overstreet, PhD student, LPCC, LMHC, CST

Clinical sexologist and psychotherapist

Kristie Overstreet, Ph.D., LPCC, LMHC, CST, is a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist with 12 years of clinical experience. She is a licensed counselor in California, Florida, Georgia and Louisiana. She is also a board-certified sex therapist, board-certified addiction specialist, and president of Department of Therapy, an Orange County private practice that provides counseling services throughout the United States.

Understand that you are worthy of being lovedFocus on accepting and loving yourselfTrust your support systemAsk yourself what does this person really mean to me?Unfollow them on social mediaBeware of “People, Places, and Things”Resist the urge to speakWrite your frustrations down in a journal.Reclaim your own gifts and talents.Remember why it didn't work

Distinguish between intuition and obsession

Last updated on September 23, 2022

Whether it's an unrequited crush you can't stop dreaming about oran ex who can't stop chasing youIt can be frustrating when you can't get someone out of your head.

Here are 11 ways to redirect that energy, get your mind off that particular person, and regain some peace:

To perceive

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Understand that you are worthy of being loved

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Second psychotherapist and relationship expertKen Page, LCSW, we often tell ourselves stories that something inside us prevents us from receiving love. “This myth that we keep in our hearts”, he says, “leads us to enact cycles of suffering for ourselves and for others. And this is terribly triggered by people who cannot accept us and love us for who we are.”

To perceive

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Focus on accepting and loving yourself

To this end,focus on loving and accepting yourself- including and especially the parts of ourselves we are ashamed of - is crucial. "The extent to which we accept and appreciate these parts of ourselves (we don't just accept them, we actually appreciate, value, and value them!) is the extent to which we are romantically and sexually attracted to people who are available, friendly, and decent" . says the website.


Trust your support system

Spend time with the people in your life who cheer you up. Not only will this distract you, but it will also remind you how good it is to be around people who appreciate you. "We need to turn to the people who know and love us to help us stop defaulting, always turning to someone who is unavailable and not good for us." If you have a standardcodependent behavior, page addsanonymous codependentsit's a great program

To perceive

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Ask yourself what does this person really mean to me?

According to the sex and relationship therapistStephen Snyder, MDSometimes it can help to ask yourselfWhat exactly does this person mean to me?"Usually," he says, "it's security or status or a sense of being accepted or loved or understood."

So you want to ask yourselfDid my actual experience with this person really provide the meaning it should have?"For most of us, in most relationships, the answer is 'well, yes and no,'" adds Snyder. It's not uncommon to romanticize the past.


Unfollow them on social media

This might be obvious, but if you're thinking about someone continually, chances are you're haunting them a little bit. Make it easy on yourself and just unplug. Unfollow them, delete them, delete their text conversations, etc. When it comes to moving forward, theno contact ruleit's always the right way.

To perceive

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Beware of “People, Places, and Things”

Along with social media, you probably want to get rid of anything that usually reminds you of her, like keepsakes or keepsakes from your relationship. According to Page, Alcoholics Anonymous is instructed to beware of the people, places and things that encourage them to drink. "When you're trying to let someone go, you have to be careful about the people, places and things that trigger your desire for that person."


Resist the urge to speak

When you feel the need to communicate, instead of acting impulsively, be curious about the emotions that come up for you. you feel alone Leave? Try redirecting that energy into something more productive, like B. going for a walk or a brisk run or doing something else.Yoga. "The hardest relationships are often the hardest to get over," adds Page. "We still want to go back and fix things, but it's generally a bad idea."

To perceive

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Write your frustrations down in a journal.

Journaling is incredibly helpful not only for channeling creative or anxious energy, but also forreflect and learn from itwhat you're going through Consider using questions number 4 as tips for getting started, or think about number 1, number 2, or anything else on this list that speaks to you. Identify and Monitor Your Feelings: "[Feelings] are useful for informing you about the world around you," notes Snyder, "but they're not entirely reliable and often aren't objectively helpful. If that happens, I might have who show it kindly to those who command."



Reclaim your own gifts and talents.

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Often when people become obsessed with someone there is thata tendency to give up on oneself. This can come across as too kind or self-explanatory to avoid rejection, feelings of inadequacy, and someone having too much control over your emotional state. But Page notes that reclaiming our own individuality, or the "gifts deep within us that we look to the world for validation," is a "powerful healing and transformation process that...really changes our attractions."


Remember why it didn't work

In the really difficult times, especially those whenwe may find ourselves romanticizing the past, as Snyder points out, it's in your best interest to remember why things didn't or didn't work out. "Most of the time, we romanticize the people we miss," he says. "And we forget that the importance we place on the relationship has not always been met the way we would like."



Distinguish between intuition and obsession

Well, maybe you've come this far and something inside still makes you think about that person. That's something to watch out for: "We might not be able to get someone out of our minds because there's something really incredibly special about them," notes Page. "Maybe these hurdles aren't that important, maybe this person is really worth committing to, or there are issues in the relationship that neither of you have fully worked through."

Give yourself time to think and process, and over timeYou can decide if it's worth communicating. “If this is a relationship that could be good,” says Page, “try putting both feet in it and giving it everything you've got. Maybe there's a good reason why you can't stop thinking about that person."

What does it mean when you can't get someone out of your head?

In a sense, one can be “addicted” or at least dependent on a person. In a small 2010 study, subjects who had just broken up but were still in love showed how true this is: when they saw pictures of their exes,The brain's reward system released dopamine, the neurotransmitter that plays an important role in the early stages of lovejSearch. This cycle can lead to resistance to letting go.

According to Snyder, “That often means not doing it.to wantto get that person out of your head, mainly because it's extremely meaningful for you to think about them."

Page adds that the previous points about romanticizing the past (and even the person) are still relevant. "It's better to realize that you are probably idealizing the person you miss and not remembering the reality. When people get back together after a breakup, they are often suddenly reminded of all the things that made the relationship troublesome."

And, FYI, there's no basis for the idea that if you can't stop thinking about someone, they'll be thinking about you too.


How to stop having feelings for someone

Perhaps the best question isCan you voluntarily stop loving someone?? Snyder thinks so, but it will take time.

"It can be hard to imagine now that your feelings will ever go away," he says. "Maybe not evento wantlet them disappear. But feelings change over time. That's the nature of things. You will change over the months and years, and so will the person you have feelings for. None of us are the same."

Take care of yourself: body, mind and spirit; connect with friends and family; remember your worth; trust that love exists for you; and of course come back to this list if/when that person comes to mind.

When we do these things, we open ourselves up to them.attract the right person.

"Until we close the door on relationships with people who are eroding our self-esteem," says Page, "we can never open the door on new relationships, on a new life where we can finally find healthy love." "

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How do you stop thinking about someone in a relationship? ›

12 Ways to Stop Thinking About Someone for Good
  1. Find the root.
  2. Focus on facts.
  3. Accept it.
  4. Write it down.
  5. Get distracted.
  6. Go inward.
  7. Meet your needs.
  8. Keep a distance.
Apr 27, 2020

How do you permanently get someone off your mind? ›

Go out and experience the world by yourself or with other positive people in your life. Even better, try some hobbies you couldn't engage in while this person was around in your life. No matter what you choose to do, engage yourself in something physical and remind yourself that an entire world exists without them.

What is the best way to stop thinking about someone? ›

You can stop thinking about someone by refocusing on yourself, keeping your distance, and exploring why you can't take them out of your head. Whether you've just come out of a relationship or experiencing unrequited love, learning how to stop thinking about someone can feel impossible — but it isn't.

How do you let go of someone you love? ›

How to let go of someone
  1. Recognize when it's time. Learning when it's time to let go is often the most difficult part of this process. ...
  2. Identify limiting beliefs. ...
  3. Change your story. ...
  4. Stop the blame game. ...
  5. Embrace the “F” word. ...
  6. Master your emotions. ...
  7. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. ...
  8. Talk to someone you trust.

How do you forget someone you love deeply? ›

  1. Dec 7, 2021. Tips to forget someone you loved. ...
  2. Time. Take your time. ...
  3. Acceptance. If you're trying to forget that person, accepting the fact is the first step. ...
  4. Detox. Close off your social media for some time and peel your eyes away from what's happening around you. ...
  5. Let go. ...
  6. Forgiveness. ...
  7. Happy time. ...
  8. Gratefulness.
Dec 7, 2021

What happens when you can't stop thinking about someone? ›

If you are unable to stop thinking about someone, you most likely have 'anxious attachment'. You might push and pull in relationships to get a break from the anxiety they cause you. But if the other person leaves, you panic.

Why someone is always in my mind? ›

You're in Love With Them.

Your heart beats faster when you think about them, and your stomach flutters when they call. You feel butterflies in your tummy when you imagine seeing them again. If there's someone stuck in your mind, it may be because you're in love with them.

How do I get him off my mind? ›

12 Ways to Get Him Out of Your Head
  1. Stop texting him. ...
  2. Don't try to “figure him out.” ...
  3. Remember, your thoughts aren't facts. ...
  4. Think about ways to grow from the situation. ...
  5. Think to the future, not the past. ...
  6. Bone another dude. ...
  7. Talk to friends about THEIR problems. ...
  8. Have a friend's night.
Sep 2, 2020

How do you know if someone is thinking of you? ›

25 Psychic Signs Someone Is Thinking About You
  • Unexpected emotions. ...
  • Eye twitching. ...
  • White feather sign. ...
  • Dreams about them. ...
  • Goosebumps. ...
  • A butterfly perches on you. ...
  • Your cheeks flush. ...
  • Mid-meal discomfort.
Feb 14, 2023

Why I can't get rid of someone from my mind? ›

If you can't get someone out of your head it could be because you're still processing the event. These negative experiences can cause a lot of stress, and that stress can take a long time to digest. To go even further, only time can begin to ease the stress and pain caused by a negative event.

Why do I want someone who doesn't want me? ›

Romantic rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings. Being romantically rejected can be a familiar feeling that mirrors one's childhood, leading that person to seek out more of the same.

What are 7 ways to take control of your mind from negative? ›

10 Tips to Take Charge of Your Mindset and Control Your Thoughts
  1. Naming.
  2. Acceptance.
  3. Meditation.
  4. Shifting perspective.
  5. Positive thinking.
  6. Guided imagery.
  7. Writing.
  8. Focused distractions.
Jan 8, 2021

Why can't I stop thinking about a specific person? ›

If you are unable to stop thinking about someone, you most likely have 'anxious attachment'. You might push and pull in relationships to get a break from the anxiety they cause you. But if the other person leaves, you panic.

When someone is always on your mind what does it mean? ›

“On a subconscious level, you're feeling drawn to this person that's reminiscent of a loved one. There's something familiar and comfortable about them, and they resonate with your soul on some level. In some cases, you'll feel like the two of you were meant to meet.


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