11 steps to stop thinking about someone, from relationship experts (2023)

Second psychotherapist and relationship expertKen Page, LCSW, we often tell ourselves stories that something inside us prevents us from receiving love. “This myth that we keep in our hearts”, he says, “leads us to enact cycles of suffering for ourselves and for others. And this is terribly triggered by people who cannot accept us and love us for who we are.”

2.

Focus on accepting and loving yourself

3.

Trust your support system

4.

Ask yourself what does this person really mean to me?

According to the sex and relationship therapistStephen Snyder, MDSometimes it can help to ask yourselfWhat exactly does this person mean to me?"Usually," he says, "it's security or status or a sense of being accepted or loved or understood."

So you want to ask yourselfDid my actual experience with this person really provide the meaning it should have?"For most of us, in most relationships, the answer is 'well, yes and no,'" adds Snyder. It's not uncommon to romanticize the past.

5.

Unfollow them on social media

6.

Beware of “People, Places, and Things”

7.

Resist the urge to speak

8.

Write your frustrations down in a journal.

Journaling is incredibly helpful not only for channeling creative or anxious energy, but also forreflect and learn from itwhat you're going through Consider using questions number 4 as tips for getting started, or think about number 1, number 2, or anything else on this list that speaks to you. Identify and Monitor Your Feelings: "[Feelings] are useful for informing you about the world around you," notes Snyder, "but they're not entirely reliable and often aren't objectively helpful. If that happens, I might have who show it kindly to those who command."

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9.

Reclaim your own gifts and talents.

10

Remember why it didn't work

In the really difficult times, especially those whenwe may find ourselves romanticizing the past, as Snyder points out, it's in your best interest to remember why things didn't or didn't work out. "Most of the time, we romanticize the people we miss," he says. "And we forget that the importance we place on the relationship has not always been met the way we would like."

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11

Distinguish between intuition and obsession

Well, maybe you've come this far and something inside still makes you think about that person. That's something to watch out for: "We might not be able to get someone out of our minds because there's something really incredibly special about them," notes Page. "Maybe these hurdles aren't that important, maybe this person is really worth committing to, or there are issues in the relationship that neither of you have fully worked through."

Give yourself time to think and process, and over timeYou can decide if it's worth communicating. “If this is a relationship that could be good,” says Page, “try putting both feet in it and giving it everything you've got. Maybe there's a good reason why you can't stop thinking about that person."

In a sense, one can be “addicted” or at least dependent on a person. In a small 2010 study, subjects who had just broken up but were still in love showed how true this is: when they saw pictures of their exes,The brain's reward system released dopamine, the neurotransmitter that plays an important role in the early stages of lovejSearch. This cycle can lead to resistance to letting go.

According to Snyder, “That often means not doing it.to wantto get that person out of your head, mainly because it's extremely meaningful for you to think about them."

Page adds that the previous points about romanticizing the past (and even the person) are still relevant. "It's better to realize that you are probably idealizing the person you miss and not remembering the reality. When people get back together after a breakup, they are often suddenly reminded of all the things that made the relationship troublesome."

And, FYI, there's no basis for the idea that if you can't stop thinking about someone, they'll be thinking about you too.

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Perhaps the best question isCan you voluntarily stop loving someone?? Snyder thinks so, but it will take time.

"It can be hard to imagine now that your feelings will ever go away," he says. "Maybe not evento wantlet them disappear. But feelings change over time. That's the nature of things. You will change over the months and years, and so will the person you have feelings for. None of us are the same."

Take care of yourself: body, mind and spirit; connect with friends and family; remember your worth; trust that love exists for you; and of course come back to this list if/when that person comes to mind.

When we do these things, we open ourselves up to them.attract the right person.

"Until we close the door on relationships with people who are eroding our self-esteem," says Page, "we can never open the door on new relationships, on a new life where we can finally find healthy love." "