Is constant texting good or bad for your relationship? (2023)

in the good old dayshave a meetingwas defined by a series of personal encounters. People got to know each other, spent time in each other's company, met friends and family, and rated the quality of their connection and compatibility.personal. Sure, they phoned or maybe sent a letter occasionally, but the core of their relationship centered on face-to-face interactions.

A subtle shift seems to be happening in dating relationships today, and it justifies oursAttention. Technology, which once complemented relationship building, now appears to be taking a larger role in forming and maintaining relationships. What is this role and how healthy is the reliance on technology for the creation and maintenance ofromantic relationships?

The rise of text messaging

For many people, texting is an important source of communication in relationships. People aged 17 to 25 tend to write more about their romantic interests than older people (Coyne, Stockdale, Busby, Iverson, & Grant, 2011). In one sample, more than 90 percent said they texted at least once a day to get in touch with a partner (Schade, Sandberg, Bean, Busby, & Coyne, 2013).

These habits are formed early on.teenagersreport an impressively high rate of text-based communication with their boyfriends and girlfriends, with approximately 20% of teen daters texting their partners 30 times an hour or more during school hours or early or late at night (Teenage Research Unlimited, 2007). For millennials, who make up the current and next generation of men and women finding their way in the dating game, texting is a socially acceptable way to flirt, check in, ask questions, gossip, make plans or meet and get together otherwise connecting with potential or current romantic partners. . . People of all ages in younger relationships (less than a year) are also more likely to text than people in more established relationships (Coyne et al., 2011).

Does texting simply complement normal face-to-face conversations, or is it strategic, with its own benefits and consequences? Understanding why people text their partners is the first step in looking at their role in developing healthy relationships.

(Video) Texting Can Kill Your Relationship

The benefit of text messaging

Sending text messages removes some of the barriers that can make in-person conversations or even phone calls difficult. Applying Walther's (1996) hyperpersonal model to text messaging shows three main benefits:

  1. Copywriting doesn't require spontaneous ingenuity; Text message users have some time to think carefully and craft witty messages.
  2. Text messages are free of non-verbal cues, allowing users to convey the message they want to send without worrying about unwanted non-verbal cues (sweaty hands, trembling voice, etc.) skewing their message.
  3. Sending text messages is easy; Personal conversations can be complex.

Some people find it difficult to manage the simultaneous demands of face-to-face conversation (greeting when they decide to hug, kiss, or just shake hands; maintaining a smile and eye contact; not spilling a drink) and, understandably, prefer texting . Texting may help those who are nervous or have shaky interpersonal skills to avoidstressfulDates are known to usgalanteoit can be immensely uncomfortable; Why not text to make it a little easier?

Not only does texting help nervous and socially awkward people, it can also benefit insecure people. test the water (She likes me? Are you interested?) is easier electronically; The informal approach helps protect people from rejection. It can be a surefire way to find out if someone is interested.

In fact, texting often starts very early in a relationship. Fox and Warber (2013) have traced the typical flow of current dating relationships:

  • First, two people meet in person and then check each other's Facebook profiles and become Facebook friends.
  • Then one asks for the other's phone number and they start texting.
  • The texting continues until eventually one invites the other to a social group event; At this point, they can start engaging in Facebook posts.
  • Finally, a phone call or face-to-face consultation is scheduled (Fox & Warber, 2013).

Frustration with texting

Texting is used early and often in dating relationships, and while it may be easier, it has its downsides.

(Video) Is texting ruining your relationships?

Once you start texting, you won't be able to stop. The more text messages people receive, the more compelled they feel to respond, creating a cycle of nurturing mobile relationships (Hall & Baym, 2012). This can be a healthy pattern when it creates a balanced sense of connectedness and dependency, but when people instead start becoming overly dependent, such that texting distracts them from other activities, such as going to school. B. maintaining other relationships; academic conferencecarreraresponsibilitiesor even visit us in person—The result is dissatisfaction (Hall & Baym, 2012).

Text messages are often confusing. Without our non-verbal cues, messages can be misinterpreted or misunderstood, leading to insecurity and insecurityAngst. (He just wrote "Hello". What does that mean?)

In addition, because the communication is not face-to-face, it adds a psychological distance that allows words to be said that would be difficult to say in person. Perhaps that's why people in newer relationships often use text messaging to address difficult issues, intentionally hurt a partner, orto apologize(Coyne et al., 2011). The distance texting offers can make it easier to say what you don't want to say in person.

In fact, according to one sample, about one in five SMS users say they've received the dreaded "disconnection message" (Weisskirch & Delevi, 2012). This is despite the fact that most people think this is an unacceptable and inappropriate way to end a relationship. The people who send (and receive) these texts are usually moreadditiveFear, which means they can have a deep onewaitRejection and abandonment and a low sense ofSelf-esteem(Weisskirch and Delevi, 2012). While technology makes it easier to avoid difficult face-to-face conversations, these conversations often areWertpersonally, despite the inconveniences they can bring. At the very least, they are opportunities for growth and more in line with societal expectations of how an escape should proceed.

Text Messaging and Relationship Wellbeing

After all, is copywriting healthy?

(Video) Too Much Texting Lowers Attraction

Certain patterns suggest that relationship satisfaction and stability are associated with texting. In heterosexual relationships, women who text more often tend to feel happier in their relationships, as do their partners (Schade et al., 2013). Interestingly, the more men text a partner, the morenot lessThe happier they are, the unhappier their romantic partners are, and the more often their partners report considering a breakup (Schade et al., 2013). These relationships are complex because men who text to express affection tend to have partners who feel more connected to them. Both men and women use text messages to hurt a partner (incitementjealousy, to expressWut, etc.) less attached to your romantic partner.

Whether a relationship is just beginning or already established, having clear rules or regulations about how you text message can avoid some of the frustrations that technology can bring. There is evidence that satisfaction with how people use their phones in the relationship and satisfaction with the relationship itself (Miller-Ott, Kelly, & Duran, 2012).


Coyne SM, Stockdale L, Busby D, Iverson B & Grant DM (2011). "I love you :)!": A descriptive study of media use by people in romantic relationships,60, 150-162.

Fox, J. & Warber, K.M. (2013). The Evolution of Romantic Relationships in the Age of Facebook: An Exploratory Study of the Perceptions, Motives, and Behaviors of Emerging Adults.Cyberpsychology, behavior and social networks,sixteen, 3-7.

Halle, J.A. & Baym, N.K. (2012). Calls and texts (many): Cell phone maintenance expectations, (over)dependence, confinement, and friendship satisfaction.New media and society,14, 316-331.

Miller-Ott, A.E., Kelly, L. & Duran, RL. (2012). The effects of cell phone use determine satisfaction in romantic relationships.quarterly statement,60(1), 17-34.

Schade LC, Sandberg J, Bean R, Busby D & Coyne S (2013). Using Technology to Connect in Romantic Relationships: Implications for Attachment, Relationship Satisfaction, and Stability in Emerging Adults.Magazine for couple and relationship therapy,12, 314-338.

(Video) 12 Early Signs A Relationship Won't Last

Teen Search Unlimited (2007). Abuse of technology in the study of adolescent relationships.

Weisskirch, R.S. & Delevi, R. (2012). Su ovr b/nun me: Use of technology, attachment styles, and gender roles in relationship dissolution.Cyberpsychology, behavior and social networks,15, 486-490.

(Video) Constant Texting Kills Relationships


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